Whenever someone tells me a story they’ve already told me before I pretend I haven’t heard it yet so they don’t feel stupid because I’m nice as fuck

can I have a Ben Wyatt for my birthday?

shout out to the two other people in australia who don’t give a fuck about the voice

people who make their every status about their “boy/man”, how much they love him and how he’s the “best boyfriend in the world ♥” need to be punched in the face.

my house is undergoing renovations at the moment (which is not fun, let me tell you) and we’re removing the upstairs carpet (and replacing the one in the bedrooms) and having floorboards put in, and it’s so weird seeing it without the carpet and without the floorboards. my cat just came upstairs and saw what had happened for the first time and he just cried and looked incredibly confused. csb. 

When people remove the source and clickthrough links in my gifs.

Fuck it. You throw a dart at a map, we’ll go there and start new. Somewhere else in the world that’s not here. Somewhere where we haven’t said things to each other that we can’t unsay and done things which we can’t undo. There we can say new things. We can do new things. And those new things we say and do will be more important than the old thing. Let’s leave. Please. Leave with me.